


Lightyears to Go

by Tri42



Series: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post Equinox, Violence, deathbed confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21728188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tri42/pseuds/Tri42
Summary: I’ve never felt a kiss so desperate and I’ve never kissed a woman with every ounce of my being.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1549501
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	Lightyears to Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is not beta’d... I’ve been working on this for weeks and have gotten stuck like 5 times. I’ve never wrote anything like this to date.

Present

We’re pressed up against the wall to our cell. My back is to the cold cement, and she’s sitting in my lap, back against my chest. I can tell that she’s beginning to fade. Her speech is too sluggish. Her hands no longer trembling due to lack of blood flow. And from what I can see if her face, it’s beginning to show the grey pallor of death. I press her hands a little tighter to her abdomen. Anything to keep the shadow of death away. My pant leg and shirt are soaked and cold from the blood that has pooled there. 

I’d give anything for us not to be here in this moment. 3 weeks ago we could barely stand to be in the same room with each other, let alone go on a vacation together. 

Some vacation this turned out to be.

*******  
2 weeks earlier

“Chakotay, where’s the captain?” B’elanna asks.

It’s only taken 3 days for the staff to notice that I’ve taken over pretty much all of the captain’s duties. After the Equinox debacle, she’s all but holed herself up in her quarters. 

“She’s taking some much needed time guys. Back to what I was saying. Seven has found us a friendly area of space and a welcoming planet that’s going to allow us to put the ship down in its southern most hemisphere. Voyager is due for a massive overhaul and after our last few years of battle it is time that we give voyager some TLC. The captain has authorized me to take over the repair coordination and I’d like you all to start making your honeydo lists. She’s is going to be out this entire month. She’s actually going to take a vacation and i want her to be able to use this time to refresh her spirit and mind. This is a unique opportunity to get some wish list items taken care of and a full restock of supplies. I need you all to send me those items by end of day tomorrow. Talk it over with your teams and get their input. For the next month we will be planet side. Shore leave and repairs are our main goals. Is there anything else that we need to discuss?”

I look around the room. Everyone looks tired. I can tell that they’re needing this time off.  
Nerves were frazzled last week and everyone has been on edge. The timing could not be more perfect.

“Ok. Tom, Tuvok, and Doc. I need you 3 to stay behind. Everyone else is dismissed.”

As everyone files out, I contemplate what my next conversation is going to mean. One might call it mutiny.

“Have a seat you 3. We need to talk about the Captain.”

There’s an odd pause as everyone takes their seats. Her breakdown last week was the catalyst to find a planet, and we all had a front row seat to her implosion. After I’d been somewhat reinstated via messenger, I was summoned quietly to the bridge by Tuvok. When I arrived, there she was staring down Tom. It looked as if I’d walked in on a major argument. I looked at Tuvok and he simply said “Indiana.”

“Indiana” was the code we established to tell the other that the Captain needed a... time out, if you will. We’d never used it until now. She had always seemed to sense we she needed to take a break. I took one look at the scene before me and knew she wasn’t going down without a fight. She then looked straight at me with ice in her veins and steel in her voice and said,

“And why the Fuck are you here?”

At that point, without losing eye contact with her, I firmly asked Tuvok to clear the bridge. 

*******  
3 hours earlier

“You know, if you wanted to spend more time together, you just could have asked.” Kathryn had been silent for most of our trip to this planet. We were only a week into our mandatory vacation, and she was as mad as can be with me. She’s avoided me all week until I wouldn’t take no for an answer. We had went for a quiet walk along the beach before a group of apparent rebels took notice of us. In a quick show of force, we were taken by surprise by a rebel faction. We’ve been holed up in this cell now since they dropped us in here hours ago. Some quiet planet this turned out to be.

“Well every time I ask, I get shot down.” I replied.

There had been more silence than words over our past hour in this cell. Another bit of quiet passed before she spoke again.

“I know you’re not here just to babysit me.” She says.

“You definitely don’t need one of those.”

Another silence passes.

“What do you think they want with us?” I ask.

“The usual probably. They don’t have many supplies and seem fairly new to the whole alien thing.”

About that time a group of guards round the corner outside our cell. I hear the jingle of keys against the lock and Kathryn and I stand. We make eye contact and she eyes me warily. Silently, I pray she will lay low.

2 large soldiers enter our cell. Kathryn takes a step back towards me. Behind the solders, there’s another man and 2 other soldiers flanking him. He’s dressed in rebel attire and it’s clear that he’s in charge. He steps between the guard and stands toe to toe with Kathryn. They size each other up for a moment and after a beat, he cocks his head to the left and then turns towards me.

“I see that the two of you clearly aren’t supposed to be on this planet for an extended period of time. How long before your ship begins looking for you?”

Kathryn begins to pipe up, but I silence her with a look.

“6 hours. We were due for a check in about 3 hours ago.” I respond.

“Good. Tell me what type of tactical advancements I can negotiate for with the 2 of you?”

And there it is. They just want our guns.

“They’ll give you nothing for us. You can bet on that. Let us go.” Kathryn states. She’s not wrong. With Tuvok in charge, there’s little chance of negotiating.

Their leader steps into Kathryn’s space. He regards her briefly and takes a glance at her smugly. “We’ll see about that. I bet I can make them give me what I need to save you. I bet I can make you give me what I want before they even reach out. Tell me, how long has it been since your weak body has been worked over?”

I make a move to step between them and am grabbed roughly by one of the guards. I struggle to break free but his grip is tighter than i am able to combat. Kathryn makes a lunge towards the leader and the other guard makes a move to grab her. Kathryn is dodges his attempt but not before over committing and the guard grabs her roughly by the throat, shoving her into the wall behind her. I hear the air in her lungs escape her and as I try to break free again she’s beginning to struggle. The grip is too tight. 

“Let her go! She can’t breathe!” I roar. 

Before I can get another word out I see Kathryn grab for the knife in the vest of the man choking her out. She’s almost got it out and ready to attack, when he grabs it with his free hand. She struggles to get it from his hands but the lack of oxygen causes her to falter a bit. In a flurry of hands and arms, there’s a throaty scream and then everything stops. When the guard steps away, I can clearly see what’s happened. A bloody knife and Kathryn slumping to the ground losing her ability to stand. 

In a strength of adrenaline, I break free and lunge for the guard that’s taken her out. Before I can get to him, their leader points a weapon at me, square in the chest. I freeze. I steal a glance at Kathryn, who’s shockingly still awake. She makes eye contact with me and shakes her head.

She knows me. She knows that this is what my nightmares are like. She knows I would do anything to avenge her. And she’s silently begging me not to. 

I look back at the nameless leader in front of me, pointing his weapon still. He’s got a bit of a tremor and I can tell he’s shaken by the sharp turn of events. 

Or maybe it’s the change in my demeanor. Angry Warrior doesn’t even begin to cover who I could be in this moment. 

“Let us go! She needs medical attention, or she will die. Your bargaining chip is slowly bleeding out here in this hell hole. If she dies, there is no person on our ship who won’t hunt you down and make you pay for her death. You’ll have a very upfront and personal education on just what our weapons are capable of. Let. Us. Go.”

He regards me for a moment, and without any show of emotion says, “she’d better not die then.” He gathers the guards and leaves.

In the now deafening silence, all I can hear is Kathryn struggling for every breath and all I can think of is that this could not be happening to me again. She cannot die in my arms again.

Before turning to help start stem the bleeding, I whisper the only thing I can think of that sums up my feelings in this exact moment.

“Fuck.”

***********  
Present

“I’m sorry for everything.”

It takes me a minute to register that she’s spoken. It’s more sure than earlier, her speech is a little slurred, but her voice is stronger.

“What are you sorry for Kathryn?”

“I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sorry I’m not who you’ve wanted me to be, especially this past year. I’ve pushed you to the limit and then pushed some more. Equinox was the tipping point for both of us. I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have relived you of duty. I should have listened to you. And then I have been a royal pain in the ass to everyone these past few weeks, and you’ve had to clean up the mess while I’ve been holed away.

“I’m not the same woman you fell in love with all those years ago. I don’t know how to get back to her. I’ve changed and faced more demons than I’d be happy to share, but you’ve seen it all. I just want you to know that I know I’ve been unfair to you, but this is who I am. And in the end, I’m glad it’s you.”

“What do you mean that you’re glad it’s me?”

“Of all the men I’ve loved, you’re the only one I feel safe and ready to die with. I’m glad you’re the one holding me right now. I’ve thought I’d die so many different times in my life, I’ve wished death to stop the pain. But right now, in this moment, I don’t want anyone else.”

“God dammit Kathryn. Why are you doing this now? You cannot hate me and then say you love me a few hours later. And you are not going to die. You’re speech is stronger, you’re not bleeding as much. It’s a positive that you’re still breething..”

“Chakotay...”

“NO! I’m not doing this. WE’RE not doing this.”

“Chakotay... I can’t feel anything. There’s no pain... we still have a few hours still before Tuvok even begins to look...”

About that time we hear the rumble. Sounds like a bombardment from outside the facility. A few hit close to the compound were being held and the integrity of our cell begins to deteriorate. Staying here is quickly becoming dangerous. I lay her down and arrange her hands to help keep pressure on the stab site. She will be lucky to survive the next hour if I don’t get her out of here. As I begin to find any way to break out, I hear her speak up again.

With a blood stained face and her hair a mess, I’ve never thought she’d looked more beautiful. She begins to beg for me to let her go, to leave her behind. She’s in the middle of telling me that she knows I can get them home, when I grab her by the face and force myself not to shake her. She cannot expect me to do this without her. With the final amount of strength she has left, her bloodied hands grip me between the shoulders and tug me to her. 

I’ve never felt a kiss so desperate and I’ve never kissed a woman with every ounce of my being. She’s going to die on me, again.

“Please don’t go.” I tell her.

“Damnit Kathryn! I love you and we’ve got light years left...”

*******

3 days later

And that’s how they found us minutes later, but to me it was an eternity. I watched her last breath be taken. I watched her give up the fight.

They beamed us back quickly after. Tom practically had to pull me off of her while I try to hang on with everything that I have. 

And now, here I sit by her bedside waiting for her to wake up. The doctor assured me that she would make it. He had her sedated for 48 hours to allow her body to heal and help offset the blood loss she had. She’s still pale, but color is returning to her face. Better than the grey of death she had days ago. 

She begins to stir and I can feel her begin to come back to herself. She squeezes my hand and I rise to look at her. I see her for the first time unguarded and can see that this too is another moment that she will carry for the rest of her life. I see for the first time the pain of her past as real as if it just happened yesterday. 

“I’m alive because of you, please don’t stop rescuing me...” she whispers. 

“Never. Lightyears to go still.” I say with a soft smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Please send me your thoughts!


End file.
